Category: Joke Board
1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. Incoming fire has the right of way.
11. Professionals are predictable--it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.
17. If your attack is going well, you've just walked into an ambush.
18. If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid.
19. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
20. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
21. All five-second grenade fuses are three seconds.
22. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
23. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
24. Tracers work both ways.
25. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
26. The easy way is always mined.
27. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
28. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
29. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get
out.
30. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
- When you're ready for them.
- When you're not.
A young blonde was taking her first airplane flight. About one hour into the
flight the pilot announced over the intercom, "One of our four engines is out,
we will be about fifteen minutes late arriving."
She continued to read her "Glamour" magazine. About 30 minutes later the pilot
came on the intercom again and said, "There is a second engine out, we will be
about thirty minutes late."
The blonde passenger, looked up a bit concerned but returned to reading her
magazine. Fifteen minutes after that the pilot once again came on the intercom
and said, "I'm sorry to say that there is a third engine out, we'll be about one
hour late arriving at our destination."
The blonde turned to the man sitting next to her and said, "Boy if that forth
engine goes out, we'll be up here all day."
lol hahahhaa.
medical charts
The following are actual, unedited, notes written by doctors on patients'
medical charts:
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared
completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
forty pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to
work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got
a divorce.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
oh, my, god. rofl
Hey guys,
I think You all need another joke, so here's one for you.
Why?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?
Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is what doctors do called "practice"?
Why is it rain drops, but snow falls?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
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It might be best to post each new joke separately. That way if the subject line for the first joke doesn't appeal to someone, they might at least read your other jokes.